Warning: Our prophets are not responsible for your actions. They are, however, very good at predicting your failures.
We have a team of highly trained, extremely confident, and slightly unhinged prophets who will give you advice on anything you ask for. And by "anything," we mean "nothing." Our prophets will tell you what you're doing wrong, even when you're not doing anything.
Our prophets have a 100% failure rate, which is actually a badge of honor for us. We're like the anti-Google, but with more beards.